Dear Fanfiction,
by 24ji
Summary: I swear, if I wake up tomorrow morning to see creepy chicks staring at me as I sleep murmuring nonsense like, "Omigosh, Nagi-kun should be cuddling her! Where is he? GO GET HIM. RIGHT NOW!" Then I'm going to sue. I swear to all things holy, I will sue.
1. Rima's First Letter

**Dear fanfiction, **

I am seriously worried about the state of your writers sanity.

Why? Because:

**i. they're all stalkers. **

I swear on the incredibly sexy Masafumi Goto that they are. Every single one of them are stalkers. I would bold, italic, caps and underline that previous sentence if it didn't look weird, to get that through your thick, stalkerish skulls. After 10 minutes of casually looking through this site I've learnt that half, no scratch that _all _of your writers seem to know my last name, my first name, my friends, my school's adress, my occupation, my life, and y'know pretty much my very existence. I mean, did I leave my identity around your place last week? Because last I checked, my student ID was safe at home, I don't give info out abotu myself and...what the hell? Nagihiko..._Me_! Oh my lord. You freaks paired me up with _Nagihiko. _Of all people? Did you stalkers forget that I hate him, or was it left out from your black books? Or did you simply decide that you're going to ignore me and pretty much torture me with that...that..._trash? _

...I can't even call you stalkers because of that. Now, oh now, you're all just...Nagihikos! Yes. I'll use the one name I hate the most in world to describe you equally horrible..._Nagihikos. _

_See _fanfiction! You see this horror called stalking? Do ya?

**ii. they're mentally unstable, and probably have bad vision.**

Anyone okay _up there _would use common sense and match me up with the incredibly hot Masafumi Goto, instead of that WOman beast, Nagihiko. Yes, WOman. Because Nagihiko is a mixture of both genders, thus rendering him horribly, horribly unattractive, bitchy, and...Nagihiko-y. That's right Nagihikos, I went Oxford Dictionary (Nagihiko-y is a real verb, go Google it!) on you. I mean, if you Nagihikos had eyes, or good eyesight in the first place then you'd realize by now that I _hate _him, I wish he was dead, and or maybe have him fall down the stairs and get amnesia then never set foot near me, _ever_. But..._you don't_. So you didn't realize it.

See, Mister F, it's called bad eye-sight. (And you know, Nagihikos, it's bad to stare at the computer screen for too long...OH! MAYBE THAT'S WHERE YOUR BAD EYE-SIGHT CAME FROM!)

**iii. they can't be human. **

They just _can't. _Seriously. Mr. Head-of-Fanfiction, or whatever, you have a case of aliens frequenting this sit or something like that. I mean, any good hearted, normal, and pure human wouldn't torture an innocent, petite, kind-hearted blonde like myself by writing...that _horror_. I mean do you need help running your site, because I could help make things better. I mean, first of all I'd ensure that these stalkers wouldn't stalk other poor innocent Japanese folk like myself...oh heck, screw that. Just tear the damn site down. Or do something! I swear, if I wake up tomorrow morning to see creepy chicks staring at me as I sleep murmuring nonsense like, "Omigosh, Nagi-kun should be cuddling her! Where is he? GO GET HIM. RIGHT NOW!" Then I'm going to sue. I swear to all things holy, I will sue you.

**CONCLUSION. **

Mister Fanfiction, you either have stalkers, aliens, Nagihikos or even all three making your fine website, horrible and sickening. So, unless you want a lawsuit on your hands, maybe you should talk to your 'writers' about the next time they decide to write...gag..._Rimahiko_.

With love,

Rima.


	2. Rima's Second Letter

**Dear fanfiction, **

I explain a few details of why your writers are crazy, creepy, and _Nagihikos,_ and what do I get?

I get this:

**i. the still constant amount of...gag..._Rimahiko_ creations out there. **

And a lot of them are the same. Rima hates_ Nagihiko_, something happens, (i.e. she starts noticing how good he looks) Rima starts to like him, something happens, (i.e. another girl comes in his life, she finds somethign shocking about him) she hates him again, only her hate is much worse, somebody from their circle of friends (usually Amu, or an OC) tells Nagihiko that Rima actually likes him, Nagihiko rushes to tell her he loves her too, and BAM! They're in love. Or, you folks decided that you'll make Rima and Nagihiko date from the beginning and add some main-stream crap about the 'complications' of their realtionship.

Please. I like reading, but you guys turn it off (waay off, actually) for me. Thanks for that. Oh, if you're wondering why I added italics to 'Nagihiko', it's because that is the world's greatest insult. Therefore, I need to emphasis it's hideousity. Yes, _hideousity. _

**ii. the fact that you, Mister Fanfiction, did not reply to me, but your 'writers' did. **

What the hell, man? I took 6 minutes of my life to write that to you, and what do I get? Your _Nagihikos _replying to me. I mean, seriously? You can't just take a look at this and go, "We are sorry for you inconvience, and we shall work to fix your issues with the site. Thank you for you time", and crap like that? At least I'll know you aren't doing shit, and i'll go see the police about those stalkers/Nagihikos. And you! You Nagihikos! How dare you consider this to be...funny, and...ugh, _cute_...

**iii. the fact that you people still don't get it. **

What's not to get? Rima + Nagihiko = nuclear war. Rima + Nagihiko = Nagihiko dead on the road. Rima + Nagihiko = rimanolikeyhim! For god's sake, did all of you fail mathematics, or...perhaps_ life_, maybe? No, there are no feelings hidden beneath the hate I show every time he calls on me, or says hello. No, I do not pray and hope that he feels the same way about me. No, I do not secretly have desires to grab him and kiss those tender that little reverie from your mind, Nagihikos. Here, let me give you a better sense of my 'feelings' for the horrible Nagihiko. Have you ever seen a dead cat in the middle of the road? An cat that had been so horribly mangled that you thought it was a hat before you noticed the blood coating its fur? An cat that was just so disgusting you nearly puked when you looked at it? Now multiply that feeling by about a million and you're starting to get close to how I feel when I see _Nagihiko. _

**CONCULSION. **

I really wouldn't care much about this site if you guys were writing about...anyone but me. But the fact that you enjoy giving me an pairing name with the Nagihiko, an entire section of works with him, an AMV with him, and fan images with him, then all I have to say to you all is that...what the hell? Aw, crap. Lost my stupid connection. Shit.

Whatever, I'll be back, Mister Fanfiction and Nagihikos. I swear to god, I will. And you will be sued, Nagihiko will be run-over by a car I will steal from one of you little Nagihikos hands, and...i'll marry Masafumi-sama. Yeah. _I will._ Watch me.

With love,

Rima.


End file.
